Standards Portfolio

http://briannuhmartin.wix.com/wrtingstandardsyo#!about1/cxde 

Angry Letter Final

120 21st Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

December 2, 2013

Hickam Communities Earheart Center

210 Kokomalei Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

Dear Hickam Communities,

I can honestly say that I have the great privilege of living in a community that is, overall, well kept and pleasurable. Living on base housing, I have the benefit of having a company look over the well-being of my community-- which is not something that a lot of people have the pleasure of receiving. 

Though grateful for this service, the housing maintenance department of the company doesn’t always meet the satisfaction and needs of residents. My family has personally had an experience with the maintenance department not doing their job right. 

A couple weeks ago, our water heater broke, leaving us with no hot water. Showering in the morning with freezing cold water wasn't something we enjoyed, so my father decided to call maintenance to get the problem fixed. When he called, he was told it wasn't an emergency, but they'd come to us in the hours between 1-5 pm. This was fine with my dad; as long as we had hot water for the next day, we were good. But help didn't arrive until 6:13. My dad took off of work early to make sure he was there when the maintenance guys arrived, but he might as well've stayed the day at work considering how late they were. However, their late arrival was not a mistake on their part. They were rushed out at last minute by their superiors, they were supposed to have the rest of the day off but instead they got this "last minute job". Fixing a water heater is not a quick and easy job- the maintenance workers were busy repairing the heater until 10 o'clock at night. Going past the great inconvenience this was to my family; this was also very unfair to the workers themselves. They deserve to be told in advance of the things they need to do, so they can do it properly. 

With my understanding there are about 15-20 maintenance workers operating within your facilities. With plenty of workers to get the job done, if scheduled properly, the issues residents have with maintenance could be resolved. On your website, it lists leakages as one of the top emergencies to be attended to by maintenance. Our water heater wasn’t working due to a leakage in the machine. If you all claim that leaks are in the top priority of maintenance, you should commit and attend to those you told were in priority.

Throughout this whole time, the workers themselves were cooperating well. Together they worked for hours in the back of my family's Lanai trying to complete a task they had little to no notice about. They apologized for being late and explained their supervisor's act of telling them on the spot.

I really do appreciate everything your company does for me, but I feel that communication amongst those in your work staff is something that should be improved. My community depends on your company for many of their residential needs- how your company functions as a whole has an enormous effect on the lives of the residents themselves.

Thanks for your time,

Brianna M. Martin-Ortega

Angry Letter

120 21st Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

December 2, 2013

Hickam Communities Earheart Center

210 Kokomalei Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

Dear Hickam Communities,

I can honestly say that I have the great privilege of living in a community that is, overall, well kept and pleasurable. Living on base housing, I have the benefit of having a company look over the well-being of my community-- which is not something that a lot of people have the pleasure of receiving. 

Though grateful for this service, the housing maintenance department of the company doesn’t always meet the satisfaction and needs of residents. My family has personally had an experience with the maintenance department not doing their job right. 

A couple weeks ago, our water heater broke, leaving us with no hot water. Showering in the morning with freezing cold water wasn't something we enjoyed, so my father decided to call maintenance to get the problem fixed. When he called, he was told it wasn't an emergency, but they'd come to us in the hours between 1-5 pm. This was fine with my dad; as long as we had hot water for the next day, we were good. But help didn't arrive until 6:13. My dad took off of work early to make sure he was there when the maintenance guys arrived, but he might as well've stayed the day at work considering how late they were. However, their late arrival was not a mistake on their part. They were rushed out at last minute by their superiors, they were supposed to have the rest of the day off but instead they got this "last minute job". Fixing a water heater is not a quick and easy job- the maintenance workers were busy repairing the heater until 10 o'clock at night. Going past the great inconvenience this was to my family; this was also very unfair to the workers themselves. They deserve to be told in advance of the things they need to do, so they can do it properly.

Throughout this whole time, the workers themselves were cooperating well. Together they worked for hours in the back of my family's Lanai trying to complete a task they had little to no notice about. They apologized for being late and explained their supervisor's act of telling them on the spot.

I really do appreciate everything your company does for me, but I feel that communication amongst those in your work staff is something that should be improved. My community depends on your company for many of their residential needs- how your company functions as a whole has an enormous effect on the lives of the residents themselves.

Thanks for your time,

Brianna M. Martin-Ortega

Risky Business Final

  As children grow older and enter a new stage of adolescents, they are faced with new kinds of trials and challenges. Some teenagers go through these years with ease; little worry and thrill filled days. But others find these years more difficult, and have a harder time getting past their hardships. For those who face more difficult times and seek an escape, all options seem viable- including permanent ones, like suicide. Though some believe teen suicide isn’t a major problem in the US, the facts show it is rapidly increasing and things should be done to increase awareness and prevent suicide.

      Suicide, though very real and very tragic, isn't always acknowledged as the real problem it is. According to a recent government study on suicide, between the years of 1990- 2001, suicide amongst teens decreased by 4 percent. That is the most significant decrease in suicide we've seen within the last 20 years. Since then, unfortunately, the numbers on suicide have only gone up with the amount of lives being taken. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reveals to us that over the past 10 years, the rate of suicide generally increased and by 2010 stood at 12.1 deaths per 100,000. These most recent numbers are the ones that most accurately represent the current issue of teen suicide. It's when you see these numbers that you grasp the realization of suicide amongst teens.
      Though some try to argue against the significance and true issue of teen suicide, the facts reveal the truth about the issue and reality of teen suicide. According to an article published by the New York Times, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death- 3rd leading cause amongst teens specifically.This proves the severity and recurrence of suicide in general, and especially in teens. Because teens are still developing and are particularly vulnerable, they should be made aware of the support they have and should be aware of what they can do, and the help they have access to when in difficult situations.

     Suicide is a problem, and like many other problems, solutions can be found. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, over 90 percent of people who commit suicide have been diagnosed with mental illness. Along with increased awareness, studies show that interventions have been used successfully to treat illnesses known to be associated with suicide. If looking to solve the travesty of suicide, and most suicide incidents are caused by the drag of mental illness, common logical thought would be to start with those burdened by mental illnesses. Though suicide isn't something that can be completely eradicated; helping the mentally ill to find another way out would most definitely transform the situation of suicide and the situation of many people's lives.
      Suicide is something that no one likes to acknowledge, and why would you? Its a terribly inconsolable thing that has nothing positive to offer in anyone’s life, and a dejected way to end a life. But suicide is a problem- a problem that continues to worsen day by day. A problem we can take a stand on once we decide to acknowledge it and work towards preventing it.

      

College Essay Final

           Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

           As you slightly and carefully turn the manual focus ring, your fingers and eyes working together to achieve perfect depiction, you get a more clear and crisp picture of the world. 

          Being apart of a somewhat nomadic family, due to my father’s enlistment in the military, I had been accustomed to moving around and adapting from place to place. It was actually quite stimulating, I enjoyed change and learning a new perspective, observing the differences and similarities between the communities I had previously resided in. Moving from place to place so often, I had always been on the outside-  watching, learning, trying to make sense of and comprehend the world around me. 

          Moving the position of the camera, you’re enabled to capture an endless amount of different angles. Each angle adding its own unique and individual sense to the overall piece, the different arrangement of angles allows a more accurate, interesting sight.

          I began to want more of a social purpose, entering my adolescent stage. Though I enjoyed the intellectual aspect of myself, I wanted to feel more included and involved within my community. I soon learned that moving from the outside to the inside of the social realm, helped me with my understanding of people and the why’s and how’s of society. My participation with other people broadened my perspective and allowed me to perceive things from a whole new angle. When I was younger and wanted something to do, I would snatch one of my father’s thick psychology text books, and let my mind be engulfed by the science. But as I grew older I realized I can learn a lot by going out and actually experiencing what I had  been watching and reading for so long.

          Lighting is also a thing of importance, lighting provides a more visually appealing image. Too little lighting can make the quality dark and sketchy, too much can cause an over exposed image. The perfect setting of lighting can allow you to capture an image, in its most perfect profile.

          Having grown up all over the world to experience different places and people, and having a father who’s involved with psychology, psychology has been a field of my interest for as long as I can remember. My very nature seeks to understand those around me. Being relocated on several occasions, I’ve had to rely and grow on this sense of understanding; to gain a new kind of light I eventually would shed in a new place. It is this spirit of inquiry that has lead me to want to go and learn more about the field, and pursue a career in it. More specifically, I’d like to enter the field of neuropsychology, because I’d like to acquire a higher knowledge in the physical aspect of psychology as well. In short, psychology has played a rather important role in my life thus far, and I intend for it to grow into an even larger component of my life. It compliments my way of life, and fits just right, like a perfect picture.

Word Choice: Abstract vs. Concrete Language (Tiffany & Brianna)

1. The soldier warmly embraced his children for the first time after spending six strenuous months in Iraq. Glee was plastered over the span of all their faces; smiles expanding for ear to ear. As the children barreled towards their father, the dedicated soldier cried out a wail of happiness; he had finally reached the moment he had been yearning for.

2. She tightly gripped the gun, hands shaking. The man across of her smirked mischievously, toying with her. "Where's my daughter?" she demanded forcefully. Silence ensued as the man wiggled in his chains. He then looked up slowly, smiling devilishly. "That' for me to know and for you to find out," he snapped. With sweaty palms and shaking hands, she set the gun down on the table. As she glared at the man for the last time, she clicked the button and bolted out of the trailer. The man went up in smoke. 

3. As the competition came to an end, the seconds seemed infinite. My palms sweaty and heart racing, I waited impatiently for the announcers to declare the winner. I had a slight anticipation I was going to win; my competitors acted with great temerity while playing. The static of the mic burst through the silence. The world was a blur as our names were announced for everyone to hear. We had won at last. 

4.                                                          Roller Coaster:

 Iron bars perfectly organized to create a colossal 400 foot roller coaster.  Each individual component, perfectly placed to create a contraption that would provide entertainment and induce awe. Coats of the colors of bright autumn pumpkins served as the exterior skin of the attraction, making it contrast beautifully against the baby blue skies. It spun around itself, and twisted itself into several variations; like a skilled contortionist at the cirque du soleil. Quite the spectacle, it caught many daring souls that sought adventure.

5.                                                              Ball Pit: 

My eyes widened as they scanned over the explosion of color before me. Patches of blue, red, yellow, and green could be found anywhere and everywhere in my field of vision. Without hesitation, I dove straight in to the various hues and shades of color. I felt like a little kid; unlimited energy with the feeling of exploration coursing through my veins. Emerging from the ball pit, my eyes locked onto the bright orange stairs that led up to the sky blue slide. I quickly scrambled up the stairs, stumbling over step after step. Reaching the top, I felt accomplished and proud. I sat down and gripped the handlebar above the opening of the slide and sat down clumsily. Taking a deep breath, I pushed off and let go of the bar and all the maturity I currently had, letting myself transform into the carefree child I once was.

College Essay Draft

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

          As you slightly and carefully turn the manual focus ring, your fingers and eyes working together to achieve perfect depiction, you get a more clear and crisp picture of the world. 

          Being apart of a somewhat nomadic family, due to my father’s enlistment in the military, I had been accustomed to moving around and adapting from place to place. It was actually quite stimulating, I enjoyed change and learning a new perspective, observing the differences and similarities between the communities I had previously resided in. Moving from place to place so often, I had always been on the outside-  watching, learning, trying to make sense of and comprehend the world around me. 

          Moving the position of the camera, you’re enabled to capture an endless amount of different angles. Each angle adding its own unique and individual sense to the overall piece, the different arrangement of angles allows a more accurate, interesting sight.

          I began to want more of a social purpose, entering my adolescent stage. Though I enjoyed the intellectual aspect of myself, I wanted to feel more included and involved within my community. I soon learned that moving from the outside to the inside of the social realm, helped me with my understanding of people and the why’s and how’s of society. When I was younger and wanted something to do, I would snatch one of my father’s thick psychology text books, and let my mind be engulfed by the science. But as I grew older I realized I can learn a lot by going out and actually experiencing what I had  been watching and reading for so long.

          Lighting is also a thing of importance, lighting provides a more visually appealing image. Too little lighting can make the quality dark and sketchy, too much can cause an over exposed image. The perfect setting of lighting can allow you to capture an image, in its most perfect profile.

          Having grown up all over the world to experience different places and people, and having a father who’s involved with psychology, psychology has been a field of my interest for as long as I can remember. My very nature seeks to understand those around me. Being relocated on several occasions, I’ve had to rely and grow on this sense of understanding, and its lead me to want to go and learn more about the field, and pursue a career in it. More specifically, I’d like to enter the field of neuropsychology, because I’d like to acquire a higher knowledge in the physical aspect of psychology as well. In short, psychology has played a rather important role in my life thus far, and I intend for it to grow into an even larger component of my life. It compliments my way of life, and fits just right, like a perfect picture.

Coming of Age Poster ROUGH

College Essay Prompt

3 College essay prompts

Option #1- Berkeley University: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Option #2- Point Loma Nazarene University: Convey a message about yourself, and help set your application apart! You may write, draw, use photographs, or employ other means of communication to tell us something further about yourself. Feel free to be creative – your only limitation is that your piece must lay flat in a 9 x 12 envelope. Don’t forget your full name, and please note that optional pieces cannot be returned.

Option #3- Rice University: The quality of Rice’s academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond
successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

Coming of Age Final

            So there’s this girl who didn’t play kickball with everyone during recess because she’d rather be doing some extra credit assignment she had volunteered to do or she was too busy reading the newest addition of National Geographic magazine. That was her idea of fun. While others surrounded themselves with friends and the latest fashions, she was perfectly content with the comforts of her studies, learning was the highest of her passions. Her success in school and the never-ending enhancement of her intelligence was what she had valued most. She thought of her mind as if it was a library. A library that was under constant renovation, constant improvement. It was her responsibility to fill the library with an overflowing amount of books and knowledge. She felt as if she had more books in her library than most of the other kids at her school, and she was proud of that. She was exceptionally smart, she was the “nerd” with few friends, but she was happy. Up until middle school, that had been my whole life. I was the girl who loved science instead of shoes, read scholastic catalogs instead of magazines. 

            When my elementary school days came to end, things started to change, starting with my address. After living in North Carolina, stranded in the country for way longer  than I would deem healthy, 5 years to be exact, I moved here to Hawaii. Getting out of the cornfields was one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to me, I was thrilled. For the first two years in Hawaii, I was homeschooled. Those two years I felt as if I was sheltered from the rest of civilization, I didn’t have many friends, didn’t get out much. So without much to say about my middle school years, it was pretty uneventful. But middle school also came without transition. 

            Going from a small home schooling environment to a public high school with over two-thousand students, I had no idea what to expect. And the best image of high school I had put together in my head was a compilation of High School Musical and Hannah Montana, if that tells you anything about my cluelessness coming into high school. I came into high school with an all too much naive perspective on how it was supposed to be. I was expecting cheery teenagers that would all get along tremendously well, and they’d all be into getting good grades and I could go on with a long list of completely unrealistic expectations I had of high school. In short I was very unprepared for what was to come. 

            The first day of my freshman year, my mom dropped me off at 8:05, not too early, but early enough to wander around campus completely unaware as to what to do or what any of this was. I was so overwhelmed with the amount of people surrounding me, I felt afraid and excited at the same time, and I didn’t know which feeling to act off of. I didn’t know how to act around all these people, or how to talk to them. Basically, the first couple months of my freshman year were some of the most awkward, uncomfortable, and clueless months I’ve had. Being on the outside, I saw everyone with their friends; they knew where to go and who they were going to be with. Still wandering alone during breaks, I started to feel the loneliest I’ve ever felt. Along with the feeling of loneliness, I also experienced a huge loss of motivation. I used to be able to study all day and all night for a test, and suddenly it was hard for me to even turn in my home work on time. 

            Half way into the year, people had begun to tell I wasn’t being myself. My self-esteem had hit rock-bottom, I distanced myself from a lot of things I was previously highly involved with. My parents would constantly have their concerned conversations with me, informing me of my poor decisions, telling me how much better I can do. Even some of my closest friends would talk to me about how I wasn’t being myself. I had tried so hard that year to be like everyone else, tried so hard to conform to the majority. Being myself was completely out of the question at that point, I mean we all know where the nerds end up, you can see them playing ninja in front of the school library. Anyways, I had somehow gathered the notion that my nerdy ways, along with my other odd attributes, were faults, and I made it a mission to be less like me and more like other people. The year had been filled with many mistakes on my part, and I was long due for a summer break.

            The first week of summer had been nothing but a long stay-cation in my bed. But there was something to come in the second week of summer that was going to impact me a lot more than I expected it to. HiPac teen camp 2013, a church camp my denomination hosts every summer. I had gone to the camp the previous year, and at the time I honestly didn't think it lived up to the hype everyone was claiming it to be. But this year's camp went beyond any of the expectations I had. A week being surrounded by the serenity of nature and some of the best and most genuine people, it was just what I needed. Part of the overall message of the camp was overcoming some of the obstacles that can get in the way of your goals and knowing what'll help get you there. Part of what the speaker spoke of was the effect you allow people to  have on you. I remember being in the sanctuary, everyone's attention was focused on Pastor Cory. From the people crying with their heads down at the alter, to the people in the back, you could feel the sense of unity in the air. And I came to several realizations. 

            As he was talking and giving his sermon, I realized that nothing is waiting for me. Time is not going stop and wait for me to get better, for me to get back on my toes. Everything is continuing on, without me. And it’s my responsibility to get back where I was with things and get over being sad. It’s my future. All this time I had been giving others so much of myself, trying so hard to please and be like them. But if I was going to make something great out of what’s to come, I might as well be me. Other people and there opinions aren’t going to get me where I need to be, and it was time I stopped holding onto other’s thoughts of me. 

            After camp, I felt dedicated and motivated to get back on track. After realizing so many of these things, I was ready to make a change in my ways and attitude. I became more confident in who I was, I didn’t feel the need to change for anyone anymore. A couple weeks past, and school started. It hasn’t been much time, so there’s not an ample amount of evidence to my change, but I can’t wait to add more to the list. I don’t procrastinate like I did last year, I’m working so much harder to do well in everything I do. I’m getting more involved with things I really enjoy, and more involved with school. After last year, I’m ready to bring back the books and the hard work, and get back on track. Because after all, my future is up to me, and I better do something good with that. 

Coming of Age Draft

           So there’s this girl who didn’t play kickball with everyone during recess because she’d rather be doing some extra credit assignment she had volunteered to do or she was too busy reading the newest addition of National Geographic magazine. That was her idea of fun. While others surrounded themselves with friends and the latest fashions, she was perfectly content with the comforts of her studies, learning was the highest of her passions. Her success in school and the never-ending enhancement of her intelligence was what she had valued most.

           She thought of her mind as if it was a library. A library that was under constant renovation, constant improvement. It was her responsibility to fill the library with an overflowing amount of books and knowledge. She felt as if she had more books in her library than most of the other kids at her school, and she was proud of that. She was exceptionally smart, she was the “nerd” with few friends, but she was happy. Up until middle school, that had been my whole life. I was the girl who loved science instead of shoes, read scholastic catalogs instead of magazines. 

           When my elementary school days came to end, things started to change, starting with my address. After living in North Carolina, stranded in the country for way longer  than I would deem healthy, 5 years to be exact, I moved here to Hawaii. Getting out of the cornfields was one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to me, I was thrilled. For the first two years in Hawaii, I was homeschooled. Those two years I felt as if I was sheltered from the rest of civilization, I didn’t have many friends, didn’t get out much. So without much to say about my middle school years, it was pretty uneventful. But middle school also came without transition. 

           Going from a small home schooling environment to a public high school with over two-thousand students, I had no idea what to expect. And the best image of high school I had put together in my head was a compilation of High School Musical and Hannah Montana, if that tells you anything about my cluelessness coming into high school. I came into high school with an all too much naive perspective on how it was supposed to be. I was expecting cheery teenagers that would all get along tremendously well, and they’d all be into getting good grades and I could go on with a long list of completely unrealistic expectations I had of high school. In short I was very unprepared for what was to come.

           

Writing Position Statements

3 Position Statements

1. Tourist deaths at local attractions are the state’s fault because there was a lack of signs posted, they weren’t posted around other potentially hazardous areas, and if there were signs, they weren’t adequately maintained to warn visitors. 

2. Tourists are responsible for their safety when visiting hazardous attractions because; signs have previously been placed in various sights and attractions only to be ignored, the state can not be held responsible for any lack of common sense on the person’s behalf, and it’s impossible for the state to know every hazardous point of every attraction, it’s the tourist’s responsibility to know which points to avoid. 

3. In Hawaii there are many incidents at tourist attractions but both sides are at fault because there are a lack of signs on the governments part, tourists should use common sense, and tourist services like Triple A should have warnings about attractions.

Mini Essay

          Though the amount of fatal accidents that occur in the state of Hawaii's main attractions are few, they are still very real and tragic. Millions of tourists come to Hawaii seeking new adventures and thrills, and much of them flock to the many outdoor sites and attractions that Hawaii possesses. Some of these adventurous locations can be hazardous, and there's controversy over who is responsible for the safety of the visitors that visit these dangerous sites, the state or the visitors themselves.

          The responsibility of the safety of Hawaii’s tourists should not be completely placed on the state of Hawaii and it’s departments, much of the tragic mishaps that occur in hazardous attractions are in large part due to the tourists themselves. Tourists are responsible for their safety when visiting hazardous attractions because; signs have previously been placed in various sights and attractions only to be ignored, the state can not be held responsible for any lack of common sense on the person’s behalf, and it’s impossible for the state to know every hazardous point of every attraction, it’s the tourist’s responsibility to know which points to avoid. In the island of Maui on Nakalele Point blowhole, occurred the disappearance of California resident, David Potts. In the parking lot of the site, there is a sign that reads "Blowhole: Park and walk at your own risk". Potts was dancing around the blowhole when a wave struck him from behind and took him into the hole. This goes to show the previous statement on the responsibility of tourist's safety is quite accurate, Potts was aware of the blowhole's danger, but he still chose to act recklessly in it's presence. After the incident, search teams returned to the site the same week and noticed that visitors "continued to gather around the blowhole, despite being told that someone in that same location just a few days ago". Though warnings and signs should be provided, in the end it is up to the individual whether they heed the warnings and act accordingly, or act unheedingly. 

          In the end, the safety of tourists lies in their own hands. It's their responsibility to have the right sense of judgement in the right time, the right place, or in Potts' case, the wrong place. The state should have signs placed at these locations, but the majority of the liability falls upon the tourists and their ability to make sensible decisions. 

As I come into a new year of high school, I'm coming ready and eager to further expand on what I had barely touched on last year, my goals of academic and scholastic growth. But this year is about more than just the books and extensive essay writing, its a time for me to go out and find myself; who I am, where I want to be, what I want to do. And that's where my new blog title came from, I am investigating my own juvenile self, searching for the who, what, when, where, and why's of myself and my life.

The revisions and changes I made to my blog are fairly simple. I went to a more simple background, went with simpler colors, added simpler fonts. The image I used for the header was a photo I took while I was hiking, and the font I selected in the header is a clean, fresh looking font that I think brings a little more to it all.

Thanks for stopping by!

GLO Portfolio

http://breemarteen.wix.com/final-portfolio

Metaphor Poem

A sailboat
constantly finding myself being pulled out into the ocean
because the
simplicity of the shore
won't satisfy me anymore
my sails taking me
beyond places I've ever seen
the course I'm set upon
so easily affected by
the winds and waves so keen
keeping me from finding home
I am a sailboat.

Metaphor Poem

A sailboat
constantly finding myself being pulled out into the ocean
because
the simplicity of the shore
won't satisfy me anymore
my sails taking me
beyond places I've ever seen
the course I'm set upon
so easily affected by
the winds and waves so keen
keeping me from finding home
I am a sailboat