Standards Portfolio

http://briannuhmartin.wix.com/wrtingstandardsyo#!about1/cxde 

Angry Letter Final

120 21st Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

December 2, 2013

Hickam Communities Earheart Center

210 Kokomalei Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

Dear Hickam Communities,

I can honestly say that I have the great privilege of living in a community that is, overall, well kept and pleasurable. Living on base housing, I have the benefit of having a company look over the well-being of my community-- which is not something that a lot of people have the pleasure of receiving. 

Though grateful for this service, the housing maintenance department of the company doesn’t always meet the satisfaction and needs of residents. My family has personally had an experience with the maintenance department not doing their job right. 

A couple weeks ago, our water heater broke, leaving us with no hot water. Showering in the morning with freezing cold water wasn't something we enjoyed, so my father decided to call maintenance to get the problem fixed. When he called, he was told it wasn't an emergency, but they'd come to us in the hours between 1-5 pm. This was fine with my dad; as long as we had hot water for the next day, we were good. But help didn't arrive until 6:13. My dad took off of work early to make sure he was there when the maintenance guys arrived, but he might as well've stayed the day at work considering how late they were. However, their late arrival was not a mistake on their part. They were rushed out at last minute by their superiors, they were supposed to have the rest of the day off but instead they got this "last minute job". Fixing a water heater is not a quick and easy job- the maintenance workers were busy repairing the heater until 10 o'clock at night. Going past the great inconvenience this was to my family; this was also very unfair to the workers themselves. They deserve to be told in advance of the things they need to do, so they can do it properly. 

With my understanding there are about 15-20 maintenance workers operating within your facilities. With plenty of workers to get the job done, if scheduled properly, the issues residents have with maintenance could be resolved. On your website, it lists leakages as one of the top emergencies to be attended to by maintenance. Our water heater wasn’t working due to a leakage in the machine. If you all claim that leaks are in the top priority of maintenance, you should commit and attend to those you told were in priority.

Throughout this whole time, the workers themselves were cooperating well. Together they worked for hours in the back of my family's Lanai trying to complete a task they had little to no notice about. They apologized for being late and explained their supervisor's act of telling them on the spot.

I really do appreciate everything your company does for me, but I feel that communication amongst those in your work staff is something that should be improved. My community depends on your company for many of their residential needs- how your company functions as a whole has an enormous effect on the lives of the residents themselves.

Thanks for your time,

Brianna M. Martin-Ortega

Angry Letter

120 21st Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

December 2, 2013

Hickam Communities Earheart Center

210 Kokomalei Street

Honolulu, HI 96818

Dear Hickam Communities,

I can honestly say that I have the great privilege of living in a community that is, overall, well kept and pleasurable. Living on base housing, I have the benefit of having a company look over the well-being of my community-- which is not something that a lot of people have the pleasure of receiving. 

Though grateful for this service, the housing maintenance department of the company doesn’t always meet the satisfaction and needs of residents. My family has personally had an experience with the maintenance department not doing their job right. 

A couple weeks ago, our water heater broke, leaving us with no hot water. Showering in the morning with freezing cold water wasn't something we enjoyed, so my father decided to call maintenance to get the problem fixed. When he called, he was told it wasn't an emergency, but they'd come to us in the hours between 1-5 pm. This was fine with my dad; as long as we had hot water for the next day, we were good. But help didn't arrive until 6:13. My dad took off of work early to make sure he was there when the maintenance guys arrived, but he might as well've stayed the day at work considering how late they were. However, their late arrival was not a mistake on their part. They were rushed out at last minute by their superiors, they were supposed to have the rest of the day off but instead they got this "last minute job". Fixing a water heater is not a quick and easy job- the maintenance workers were busy repairing the heater until 10 o'clock at night. Going past the great inconvenience this was to my family; this was also very unfair to the workers themselves. They deserve to be told in advance of the things they need to do, so they can do it properly.

Throughout this whole time, the workers themselves were cooperating well. Together they worked for hours in the back of my family's Lanai trying to complete a task they had little to no notice about. They apologized for being late and explained their supervisor's act of telling them on the spot.

I really do appreciate everything your company does for me, but I feel that communication amongst those in your work staff is something that should be improved. My community depends on your company for many of their residential needs- how your company functions as a whole has an enormous effect on the lives of the residents themselves.

Thanks for your time,

Brianna M. Martin-Ortega

Risky Business Final

  As children grow older and enter a new stage of adolescents, they are faced with new kinds of trials and challenges. Some teenagers go through these years with ease; little worry and thrill filled days. But others find these years more difficult, and have a harder time getting past their hardships. For those who face more difficult times and seek an escape, all options seem viable- including permanent ones, like suicide. Though some believe teen suicide isn’t a major problem in the US, the facts show it is rapidly increasing and things should be done to increase awareness and prevent suicide.

      Suicide, though very real and very tragic, isn't always acknowledged as the real problem it is. According to a recent government study on suicide, between the years of 1990- 2001, suicide amongst teens decreased by 4 percent. That is the most significant decrease in suicide we've seen within the last 20 years. Since then, unfortunately, the numbers on suicide have only gone up with the amount of lives being taken. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reveals to us that over the past 10 years, the rate of suicide generally increased and by 2010 stood at 12.1 deaths per 100,000. These most recent numbers are the ones that most accurately represent the current issue of teen suicide. It's when you see these numbers that you grasp the realization of suicide amongst teens.
      Though some try to argue against the significance and true issue of teen suicide, the facts reveal the truth about the issue and reality of teen suicide. According to an article published by the New York Times, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death- 3rd leading cause amongst teens specifically.This proves the severity and recurrence of suicide in general, and especially in teens. Because teens are still developing and are particularly vulnerable, they should be made aware of the support they have and should be aware of what they can do, and the help they have access to when in difficult situations.

     Suicide is a problem, and like many other problems, solutions can be found. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, over 90 percent of people who commit suicide have been diagnosed with mental illness. Along with increased awareness, studies show that interventions have been used successfully to treat illnesses known to be associated with suicide. If looking to solve the travesty of suicide, and most suicide incidents are caused by the drag of mental illness, common logical thought would be to start with those burdened by mental illnesses. Though suicide isn't something that can be completely eradicated; helping the mentally ill to find another way out would most definitely transform the situation of suicide and the situation of many people's lives.
      Suicide is something that no one likes to acknowledge, and why would you? Its a terribly inconsolable thing that has nothing positive to offer in anyone’s life, and a dejected way to end a life. But suicide is a problem- a problem that continues to worsen day by day. A problem we can take a stand on once we decide to acknowledge it and work towards preventing it.

      

College Essay Final

           Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

           As you slightly and carefully turn the manual focus ring, your fingers and eyes working together to achieve perfect depiction, you get a more clear and crisp picture of the world. 

          Being apart of a somewhat nomadic family, due to my father’s enlistment in the military, I had been accustomed to moving around and adapting from place to place. It was actually quite stimulating, I enjoyed change and learning a new perspective, observing the differences and similarities between the communities I had previously resided in. Moving from place to place so often, I had always been on the outside-  watching, learning, trying to make sense of and comprehend the world around me. 

          Moving the position of the camera, you’re enabled to capture an endless amount of different angles. Each angle adding its own unique and individual sense to the overall piece, the different arrangement of angles allows a more accurate, interesting sight.

          I began to want more of a social purpose, entering my adolescent stage. Though I enjoyed the intellectual aspect of myself, I wanted to feel more included and involved within my community. I soon learned that moving from the outside to the inside of the social realm, helped me with my understanding of people and the why’s and how’s of society. My participation with other people broadened my perspective and allowed me to perceive things from a whole new angle. When I was younger and wanted something to do, I would snatch one of my father’s thick psychology text books, and let my mind be engulfed by the science. But as I grew older I realized I can learn a lot by going out and actually experiencing what I had  been watching and reading for so long.

          Lighting is also a thing of importance, lighting provides a more visually appealing image. Too little lighting can make the quality dark and sketchy, too much can cause an over exposed image. The perfect setting of lighting can allow you to capture an image, in its most perfect profile.

          Having grown up all over the world to experience different places and people, and having a father who’s involved with psychology, psychology has been a field of my interest for as long as I can remember. My very nature seeks to understand those around me. Being relocated on several occasions, I’ve had to rely and grow on this sense of understanding; to gain a new kind of light I eventually would shed in a new place. It is this spirit of inquiry that has lead me to want to go and learn more about the field, and pursue a career in it. More specifically, I’d like to enter the field of neuropsychology, because I’d like to acquire a higher knowledge in the physical aspect of psychology as well. In short, psychology has played a rather important role in my life thus far, and I intend for it to grow into an even larger component of my life. It compliments my way of life, and fits just right, like a perfect picture.

Word Choice: Abstract vs. Concrete Language (Tiffany & Brianna)

1. The soldier warmly embraced his children for the first time after spending six strenuous months in Iraq. Glee was plastered over the span of all their faces; smiles expanding for ear to ear. As the children barreled towards their father, the dedicated soldier cried out a wail of happiness; he had finally reached the moment he had been yearning for.

2. She tightly gripped the gun, hands shaking. The man across of her smirked mischievously, toying with her. "Where's my daughter?" she demanded forcefully. Silence ensued as the man wiggled in his chains. He then looked up slowly, smiling devilishly. "That' for me to know and for you to find out," he snapped. With sweaty palms and shaking hands, she set the gun down on the table. As she glared at the man for the last time, she clicked the button and bolted out of the trailer. The man went up in smoke. 

3. As the competition came to an end, the seconds seemed infinite. My palms sweaty and heart racing, I waited impatiently for the announcers to declare the winner. I had a slight anticipation I was going to win; my competitors acted with great temerity while playing. The static of the mic burst through the silence. The world was a blur as our names were announced for everyone to hear. We had won at last. 

4.                                                          Roller Coaster:

 Iron bars perfectly organized to create a colossal 400 foot roller coaster.  Each individual component, perfectly placed to create a contraption that would provide entertainment and induce awe. Coats of the colors of bright autumn pumpkins served as the exterior skin of the attraction, making it contrast beautifully against the baby blue skies. It spun around itself, and twisted itself into several variations; like a skilled contortionist at the cirque du soleil. Quite the spectacle, it caught many daring souls that sought adventure.

5.                                                              Ball Pit: 

My eyes widened as they scanned over the explosion of color before me. Patches of blue, red, yellow, and green could be found anywhere and everywhere in my field of vision. Without hesitation, I dove straight in to the various hues and shades of color. I felt like a little kid; unlimited energy with the feeling of exploration coursing through my veins. Emerging from the ball pit, my eyes locked onto the bright orange stairs that led up to the sky blue slide. I quickly scrambled up the stairs, stumbling over step after step. Reaching the top, I felt accomplished and proud. I sat down and gripped the handlebar above the opening of the slide and sat down clumsily. Taking a deep breath, I pushed off and let go of the bar and all the maturity I currently had, letting myself transform into the carefree child I once was.

College Essay Draft

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

          As you slightly and carefully turn the manual focus ring, your fingers and eyes working together to achieve perfect depiction, you get a more clear and crisp picture of the world. 

          Being apart of a somewhat nomadic family, due to my father’s enlistment in the military, I had been accustomed to moving around and adapting from place to place. It was actually quite stimulating, I enjoyed change and learning a new perspective, observing the differences and similarities between the communities I had previously resided in. Moving from place to place so often, I had always been on the outside-  watching, learning, trying to make sense of and comprehend the world around me. 

          Moving the position of the camera, you’re enabled to capture an endless amount of different angles. Each angle adding its own unique and individual sense to the overall piece, the different arrangement of angles allows a more accurate, interesting sight.

          I began to want more of a social purpose, entering my adolescent stage. Though I enjoyed the intellectual aspect of myself, I wanted to feel more included and involved within my community. I soon learned that moving from the outside to the inside of the social realm, helped me with my understanding of people and the why’s and how’s of society. When I was younger and wanted something to do, I would snatch one of my father’s thick psychology text books, and let my mind be engulfed by the science. But as I grew older I realized I can learn a lot by going out and actually experiencing what I had  been watching and reading for so long.

          Lighting is also a thing of importance, lighting provides a more visually appealing image. Too little lighting can make the quality dark and sketchy, too much can cause an over exposed image. The perfect setting of lighting can allow you to capture an image, in its most perfect profile.

          Having grown up all over the world to experience different places and people, and having a father who’s involved with psychology, psychology has been a field of my interest for as long as I can remember. My very nature seeks to understand those around me. Being relocated on several occasions, I’ve had to rely and grow on this sense of understanding, and its lead me to want to go and learn more about the field, and pursue a career in it. More specifically, I’d like to enter the field of neuropsychology, because I’d like to acquire a higher knowledge in the physical aspect of psychology as well. In short, psychology has played a rather important role in my life thus far, and I intend for it to grow into an even larger component of my life. It compliments my way of life, and fits just right, like a perfect picture.